


Forever

by mygodhatesme



Series: Peaky Blinders X Readers [4]
Category: Peaky Blinders (TV)
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Not Really Character Death, One Shot, Presumed Dead, Reunions, World War I
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 20:09:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29266269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mygodhatesme/pseuds/mygodhatesme
Summary: You get a letter that declares your husband, John dead during the war. Just as you were slowly getting used to the pain, a miracle brings him home.
Relationships: John Shelby/Reader
Series: Peaky Blinders X Readers [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2149209
Kudos: 1





	Forever

**Author's Note:**

> i just love angst so much and i feel like this is the perfect fic if you love it too. enjoy <3

You were lying on John’s childhood bed. It had been your bed ever since he got shipped off to France. The house you lived together in felt empty and the double bed you slept together was lonely.

With all the boys being on the battlefield, expect Finn. The Shelby women were staying together, taking care of business and each other. 

It had been two years since they left when you got the letter. The letter was delivered to the house you and John lived. You didn’t realise it existed until a few weeks later. You wished you never realised. 

The letter declared John dead. He was presumed killed in action. He had originally gone missing and afterwards was called dead. 

You hadn’t opened the letter until you were with Polly. You could feel that it was something bad. If it wasn’t it wouldn’t be delivered in the first place. 

Your eyes started bawling out the moment you read the first few words. Polly had his arms around you, much calmer than you. She didn't shed a single tear. Ada was there too but unlike Polly, she was crying. Not as much as you did of course.

One might’ve assumed they would cry more. They were family by blood. You cried most because you had less time with him and that time wasn’t enough for you. 

When you finally let go of the letter, his eyes appeared behind your closed ones. You couldn't open them, you didn’t want to see a world where he wasn’t in. It got easier after a while but then, you started hearing his voice. How he called you “Love” and “Darling” and occasionally “Baby”.

Thankfully you had Ada and Polly and even Finn. The youngest Shelby was your best distraction. All of them had the same pain though with different ways to show it. Polly got more aggressive after learning about John’s death and Ada got more passive. Finn just stopped playing with his toy guns. 

You got used to the fact that your husband wasn’t going to return from the war. It hurt but you got used to it. You knew there was a possibility of that happening but never thought it would actually happen.

You were lucky that you were already staying with the other remaining Shelbys in Small Heath. John’s childhood bed felt more like your own bed after learning about his death. 

You got so used to the Shelby home that you even forgot you had a house you lived with John in. Maybe you just chose to forget. The bed you were sleeping was more comfortable anyway.

You sat on the bed. You didn’t feel like doing anything productive so you just sat and read your book. You had become somewhat numb. The book in your hands would’ve made you cry if it was a few months ago. 

You barely understood anything you read so Finn suddenly opening the door was a gift. “You have to come down Y/N.” he said with his not yet thickened voice. 

You sighed, “Can’t it wait until I finish this chapter at least?” Finn shook his head. “Polly said now.” you rolled your eyes. You couldn’t think of anything that could be this urgent.

“And you always do as Polly told right?” you mocked Finn. He seemed upset by it and looked into your eyes, putting pressure on you. You closed your book and before letting Finn say anything, you left the room. 

You slowly walked down the stairs, Finn behind you. When you got down, “Pol?” you called out for her. You looked around and just as you were going back upstairs you heard footsteps.

You turned your back, expecting Polly, you were going to ask her what was so urgent. Instead you saw John. His face reflected his tiredness. His eyes were looking dead. He had a cane in his hand, you examined him from head to toe. You thought you were hallucinating.

You gasped. You blinked a few times. Your eyes teared up. “John.” you said quietly. Your whole body went numb. Finn looked at John and then you. Polly appeared behind John, her face was wet from tears.

You couldn’t stand still. You collapsed on the floor. It was dark. You heard John calling your name, felt Polly’s hard slaps on your cheeks. You couldn’t open your eyes. 

“Finn get her water.” Polly ordered, you heard the boy’s footsteps. A harder slap from Polly came afterwards. You opened your eyes. John’s eyes blocked your sight. “You.” was all you could say.

Finn came back with a glass of water. You tried to sit up, Polly offered you her hand. John was silent. He was on his knees beside you, he was in pain. He took support from his cane and stood up. 

“Finn, go upstairs.” Polly told the boy, he nodded and rushed upstairs. “He’s supposed to be dead!” you shouted at Polly then looked at your husband. You took the water from Polly’s hand and took a sip.

“Let’s get you up Baby.” you heard him say. You thought you’d never hear his voice again, you thought you’d never be called baby and feel the way you did when he said it. It should’ve felt like a blessing, a miracle but it felt more like a curse.

You stood up by yourself without any help. “Why don’t we sit down.” John said, looking towards the door of the living room. You nodded silently. Every breath you took felt like the first. 

You sat down on the couch, John sat down beside you. “I’ll leave you two alone.” she said and left, probably going upstairs to Finn. 

“Y/N, why won’t you look at me?” he asked. He noticed he avoided his gaze. You felt like none of it was real. “You were supposed to be dead.” you mumbled, barely able to speak. 

Your voice cracked, John seemed to share the pain you were in. You couldn’t understand why you weren’t happy about this. John understood, you were in shock. You were just getting used to his loss and now you knew it was all a lie.

You cried, you didn’t know what to see, neither John did. You sobbed, John pulled you to himself. His arms felt safer than ever. He gave you a kiss on the forehead. Your tears wetted his shirt. 

“Why aren’t you dead!” you were angry that you had to go through that grief even though it wasn’t true. You pushed yourself out of his arms. 

John held your face between his two hands. “Look at me Love, I’m here now and I’m not going anywhere anytime soon.” he assured you. 

“But…” you tried to speak but he interrupted. “I got captured.” he said, it was obviously hard for him to talk about it. He felt like he owed you the explanation, he had to tell you about it no matter how hard it was.

“I was tortured, you got the letter when I was in the enemy's hands.” he swallowed, his eyes teared up. “You don’t have to tell me if it’s too hard.” he let go of your face and held your hand instead.

“I have to.” he whispered, you nodded telling him to continue. “I was found only a few weeks ago, I needed treatment so they transported me back here.” he took a deep breath. “John…” you said before biting your lip. 

“Y/N just listen.” John said softly, “Okay” you mouthed. You squeezed his hands in support. “They told me the war is over for me, at least this one.” he said, “I’m home and I’m not going back.” his voice was still.

“I wish I could be happy right now but I’m just in more pain.” you confessed. “I know but I’m here and as long as we have each other it’s okay.” you hugged him. You hugged him tighter than you ever did and ever will. 

John started crying too. His tears fell on your hair and yours fell on his shoulders. He was here, you were hugging him, you were talking to him, he called you “Baby” again. You expected to wake up from this dream but it was real.

“No more grieving.” he whispered here. “No more going to bed alone.” you said. “No more being apart, we’ll be together forever.” his words just made you cry more.

It was the first time you saw John cry and you knew it wouldn’t be the last time. The way he stood and spoke told you he was a different man now but it didn’t matter. You were in his arms and he was in yours. 

“Has Ada seen you?” you asked while still holding him close. “Not yet.” he said softly, “She’s gonna be so happy to see you.” you replied back.

“Definitely happier than Finn was.” he said, it made you chuckle and put a smile on both of your faces. “I love you so much.” you cried and all he could say was “Me too.”.

Neither of you spoke for a while. There was nothing left to say, maybe there was a lot to talk about but it wasn’t the time. Your safe silence in each other’s arms was cut with Ada entering the room.

“Fucking hell!” she screamed, “Have I gone mad?” she shouted. You and John laughed unintentionally at her reaction. Polly came running, “I guess it’s time to have a family meeting.” she said while Ada stood there her jaw dropped.

Ada was calmer than you were and so was Polly. Neither of you expected it but it was a miracle anyway. It was your miracle. You were finally at ease while you still had that little but of grief left. 

The happiness didn’t appear until you were getting ready for bed. You weren’t going to sleep alone. John wasn’t sleeping on the uncomfortable hospital bed or in the trench. It was the most peaceful night you had in ages.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed it <3
> 
> my tumblr is oddshelbyout, this was originally posted there


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